is that most people don't understand what we're going through and just how hard it is.
Infertility is not a problem you can see. Most people don't even know you're hurting. They have no clue the loss and heartache you feel, unless they have been through it too.
Since telling close friends and family about the first miscarriage and afterwards, I've gotten a lot of comments like, "Well, at least you know you can get pregnant, that's positive!" or "So-and-so had a miscarriage and got pregnant again a month later and now has a healthy baby boy." or "You should talk to my friend, so-and-so, they had infertility problems and not have 5 kids." Just FYI, these things are not helpful.
Yes, I can get pregnant, I even did it twice. But still, there are not positive outcomes. I don't want to talk to your friend, obviously things are different for us.
To make this even harder, with this second miscarriage, I've gotten the feeling that my parents have written me off. It's almost like, "Oh, you can't have kids? We'll just throw ourselves into the children that CAN produce grandchildren, and just forget about your pain and suffering." I had a feeling this was coming when a few years ago, shortly after the first grandkid popped out, they decided that they would only buy the grandkids Christmas presents. I tried telling them that my dog was their oldest grandkid, just so I didn't feel left out, but that didn't' fly.
I know that they must be hurting too and I'm hoping that they just don't know how to deal either. I've never had the kind of relationship with my parents where we're all emotional and can talk about stuff. When I moved to Illinois the first time and found out that none of my coats really counted as a winter coat, I called home asking for a little help. My mom flat out told me that it was my choice to move there and I had to deal. Dad on the other hand will do what ever he can to help us out when we're in need. And right now I need my parents, but I don't know how they can help.
The day after my official second miscarriage, all I wanted was for my parents to find a way to come see me. We were supposed to go to Mississippi earlier that week, but due to all the complications, and threat of bleeding out, the doctors didn't' want me to travel. I just wanted to feel like they cared enough about my situation to come be with me.
With everything going on, it's hard not to vent on Facebook. Ed did make a comment and my mom called to ask about it. I told her things just sucked right now. And I don't know if it was because she is hurting too (it's hard to tell, she just seemed so insensitive), but she kind of snapped at me and said that things couldn't possibly be that bad.
For a while now, I've just wanted to be with family, to have a support system (Ed is wonderful, really the greatest, but he needs support too). But now I just don't know anymore. I'm just...sad.
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