where you just feel broken? I'm having one of those today. I think it might be because of the upcoming possible opportunities to fix what I've always felt was broken in me. A job, a career, etc.
We're coming up on the end of the waiting period after my last miscarriage. As much as I want to try again, I'm terrified that if/when I do become pregnant again, that I will miscarry...again. It also doesn't help that I keep finding out about sooo many people who are due right around when my last one was supposed to be due.
Also, my dream job has become available here. It's probably a fat chance that I'll get it. But just the pressure of applying for it and doing everything perfectly, and then being denied. Again. Being told that I am not good enough...again...it's just painful.
I start getting these feelings every year about this time, and they just increase until my birthday, when, another year has gone by and nothing that I've dreamed for and strived for all the previous year has happened. No job; can't afford a house; no babies because for some reason my body is broken; can't lose weight because I'm just too broken to stick with anything.
I have started having little mini panic attacks wondering if any of my dreams will ever come true or if I'll forever be left wanting.
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