Update on New Year’s Goals

So back in this post, I talking about things that I wanted to do this year, mostly to improve myself. 

I’ve been better at not picking on my face, but still not great.

I haven’t gotten any dental work done, but I have started flossing EVERY night and I just bought one of those fancy toothbrushes and it seems to be getting my teeth cleaner, which I’m happy about.

Running:  Well, I feel on my hurt knee on some crappy ice, so still no running.  But the weather is warming up, so we’ll see what happens.

Lose weight.  Well, I did start WW with my sister.  I have lost some weight, but every time I cheap for just one meal, the weight seems to come right back.  But I feel better about what I eat.  I’m feeling better about cooking as well.  I think it’s a start to getting things on the right track.

I’ve still been cutting the negativity.  I feel a lot lighter and less stressed.  It’s been really good.

I did get my CO teaching license, so I’m ready to start applying for jobs, wooooot!

I’ve lifted weights all but two times with Ed.  Those two times, I was sick.  So, I feel excused. :P

We’re still going to yoga, although our yoga place is closing.  We’re thinking of getting our yoga instructor to come to us, if it’s not too expensive.  We have a little studio at our apartment complex, so it could work.

I’ve quit buying cheap stuff for the apartment.  I have been able to get a couple nice things a crystal vase, some of our wedding china, and one setting of silverware.

I’ve been talking to my family more often.  I have a weekly check-in with my sister for WW and I call my parents at least once a week.  I’ve also been writing to my grandmother.  It’s hard for her to hear on the phone, so writing works better.  Also, I love how it feels a little Downton Abbey–esque when I get her letters.

We’ve been looking into buying a house.  Still realizing that everything in CO is out of our price range and we’ll probably never really be able to buy.  But we’re still dreaming.

Annnnd I’m probably still complaining (although, less) about stuff.

So for it being only March, I think I’m doing pretty good.

WW Update

So, I'm on week three of Weight Watchers.  And while I've lost 8 pounds (My sister had lost 10!), I'm feeling a bit discouraged.  We're doing some weight lifting, so yesterday before weight lifting I had lost 9 pounds, and this morning, afterwards, was only -8.  So...meh.

Yeah yeah yeah, muscle weighs more than fat and helps burn more fat, but still.  Meh.

So I thought watching Biggest Loser would help keep me motivated.  WRONG!  How do these folks lose 15, 20, 40!! pounds in ONE week.  WTF!  Obviously they eat, sleep, and breath working out. And have someone prepare food for them and probably can't cheat at all. So I guess I'm doing ok.  But damn.

The show is however making me want to go run when I get home.  Maybe my knee will cooperate.

The year of motivation and momentum...

I heard someone call 2014 that and I thought it was very fitting.

So part of my goals (like everyone) for 2014 is to really concentrate on my health and weight.  I have always been the kind of person who needs some sort of strict guidelines in order to stick with it.  I've also learned that if it's too strict, I can't stick with it.  So where's the happy middle?

Maybe Weight Watchers?

I talked my sister into giving it a go with me.  She's done it before and had some success.  We've been doing it hard this week.  She's already lost 6 1/2 pounds...I've lost.... ONE.  Ugh.

Anyway.  I'm eating more fruits and veggies and I actually cooked a couple meals the other day form a WW cook book, and I have to say, I do feel better.  I feel like I could be a lighter weight person.  I also feel like this is something I can stick with (remember, it is just week one and we're not even through it yet), although I've had some mad cravings for King Cake.

I really enjoyed finding the recipes in the cook book and going to the store sans husband and buying the ingredients I needed for the recipes.  I know I have some things to cook and the recipes I've tried so far have been quite nummy.  Also, it's been pretty easy finding meat substitutes for the recipes in order to make them vegetarian.  The only real problem I've run into is being able to find the low fat/fat free ingredients at the grocery store.  Colorado don't play that.

So we'll see how things continue to go.  Here's wishing us luck!

Due Date

I’d almost forgotten about what was supposed to happen this week.  I knew it was coming, but I think I tried to put it out of my head.  Then I remembered.

Today was supposed to be my due date.  That means that we should have been preparing a nursery, a hospital bag, getting ready to welcome a new member to the family.  Obviously that isn’t happening.  Instead, we face the fact that we may never have biological children.

It’s funny.  I had a dream last night that I was taking care of my nephew, who was in the middle of potty training.  He was wearing real underpants and kept peeing all over everything.  There were no diapers to be found.  My dad yelled at me because I wasn’t prepared and asked me why I didn’t have a diaper for the kid.  He reminded me that those are things you have to remember when you have kids.  I snapped at him, telling him that wasn’t something I had to worry about because I couldn't have children.

It’s hard to see pregnant folks.  It’s hard to watch the way some people parent and know that you would do it differently, if you only had the chance.  It’s really hard to listen to people complain about their children.  I want to scream at them that at least they can have children.

We’ve actually learned a lot since my first miscarriage.  Basically that my body hates me and that I’ll probably never be able to have kids.  Or more specifically I have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve).  Which mean that I have fewer eggs than the normal fertile lady and when you have fewer, the chances of getting a good one is slim. 

Some how, I hold out hope that one day a good one will be ready and everything will work out.  But it hurts so bad to think about it.

Today just kind of hurts.  And the sad thing is, we have to go through all these feelings again in two months.

2014!

So rather than making New Year’s resolutions or goals like I did in 2013 or doing words for the year like in 2012, I’ve decided to just go with a feeling.  (I did just look back at my 12 goals of 2013 and I did accomplish 7 of the 12.  That doesn't feel too bad.)  Obviously feelings do not last a long time, however, for some reason I have been able to start this year with a positive go-getter attitude (for the most part.  I had a bad "I can't have babies" hour yesterday.  I think those are going to come and go, we'll see hoe that develops).  It’s an inside feeling.  It may not show on the outside.  But I feel it and I think it can help me change some things.

I did decide that I would have an overall focus this year:  my health.  Every year people make the resolution to workout and lose weight.  Whatevs.  I want to be healthy.  That does include working out and losing weight, but I’m just doing what makes me feel good and healthy.

There are a few things that I would like to accomplish this year.  They are more like goals to accomplish and routines to establish.  They are as follows:

-       Take care of myself (everything in my control), such as not picking on my face so much.  That lit-magnifying mirror I got at Costco for 9.99$ was the best and worse purchase I’ve ever made.  Best, because it was only 9.99$ compared to 69.00$ or more at other places.  Worst because I can see all those tiny blemishes that you can’t see with the naked eye, and then I mess with them and then you can see them. 

Also, I want to get my dental health 100% under control.  I have healthy gums, but I inherited my Dad’s crappy teeth.  So I have a broken tooth that needs to be fixed.  I also want to have my teeth professionally whitened and then some how (braces/Invisalign) get my teeth in order.  My gap seems to be widening and my bottom teeth are starting to scrunch up too much.

And just going to the doctor when necessary and not putting it off (see next point).

-       Run.  I haven’t been running in a while (8+ weeks, EEK!) because of some stupid knee thing.  I went to the doctor yesterday (first time ever seeing my primary care guy) and they did an x-ray and everything looks fine.  Well, then why doesn’t it feeeeeel fine?  He says I can run on it, just expect it to hurt.  Well, ok then.

-       Lose weight. Er durr.  We went to a nutritionist and dietician last year and the plan they gave me sucked.  1100 calories a day and not adding any in even when I run.  Fuuuuck that.  I was seeing black spots.  So I’m going to start back running and in addition, to keep the itake side of things under control, I’m going to give Weight Watchers a go.  We basically get WW for free through Ed’s work, so we’ll see how it goes.  I’ve heard so many folks have a lot of success with it and that it works and they are able to stick with it, so we’ll see.

-       Cut out the negativity.  I started doing this unintentionally towards the latter months of 2013.  We’re no longer really hanging out with the “haves” (this is more than a few folks) that make us feel like second class citizens because we don’t have the funds that they have and can’t do all the fun things that they can (and if you’re reading this, sorry you thought that post was about you.  Bad timing I guess, but it wasn’t.)  We both feel a lot better because we’re not constantly comparing what we don’t have to what they do.  Comparison=devil.  It’s easier to feel better when the folks you’re with aren’t (un)intentionally showing it off.

I’ve also stopped doing something that I have always done because I thought I had to.  I’ve stopped contacting my friends first.  I’ll be polite and nice and respond to your posts on Facebook and if I have a question, I’ll ask you.  But I’m not going to start random conversations just to keep up our friendship.  It’s a drag.  Especially because I always feel like I’m bothering those folks.  It makes me feel bad and I don’t like that feeling.  While it makes me a little sad that I don’t talk to folks as much, it makes me feel a lot better that I’m not wasting my time and energy trying to talk to you when you are busy and don’t seem to want to chat.  I get emotional and upset when people are short and snappy, not a good feeling. So I’m letting you folks tell me when you’re free to chat.

-       Get my Colorado teaching license.  This one makes me want to slap someone. I did all the work to get my MS one and CO has the same regulations/standards/etc. for licensure.  Why is it so hard to do this?  Why do I basically have to start over?  So I’ve made a first step, trying to figure out where to get my fingerprints (turns out, you have to go on certain days and blah blah blah).  But I’m determined to get it done so that when late February/March roles around and job postings go up, I am ready to apply.  Once I get my CO license…I’m going to continue working on my TX one.  I still want to move to Austin.  Maybe one day.

-       Lift weights.  I’ve always been afraid of lifting weights.  Cause that’s what dudes do.  But I’m, determined that every time Ed says he’s going to the garage to workout, that I go too.  Muscle burns fat faster, so I need some.  Plus, over the years, I’ve lost all my upper body and core strength.  I want it back!

-       Yoga.  We found a place that we really like for yoga. And yes, Ed goes too.  I want to go more often than he does, though.  I’ve been going twice a week, every Tuesday and Thursday.  My punch card expired, so I’m bumming off of Ed’s until I can renew mine.  The place we go also offers other classes and I might try to participate in some of those.  I mean they do offer Zumba and that’s on my 101 List under activities for things I want to do.

-       Stop the cheap and crappy and invest in nice things.  We never really have the money to buy nice things.  To make up for it I tend to buy something meh a lot more often than I should.  For example, I always buy some little decorative crap at target that breaks the next month and it’s gone.  I want to invest in nice things.  First off, I really want to complete our wedding china.  So when Ed asked what I wanted for Christmas, I told him plates!  So I got three plates for Christmas.

So rather than wasting money throughout every week on cute crap, I’m going to save the spendings and once a month buy something nice, in the 50-100$ range.  Since I’ve almost been able to cut out most sugar (like buying a cake for dinner), I think the costs will balance out, especially since I’m trying not to buy the cheap crap.  It’s so hard though.  Target and Homegoods are so close.

-       Be more involved with family.  Since our little family doesn’t seem like it’s going to do any growing any time soon (unless we get a house and adopt a bajillion puppies. PUPPIES!), I really want to put more focus on my family, even though they’re so far away.  This means calling home more often, because evidently there are several times throughout the month that my parents think I’m dead.  I also want to start sending (or giving some how) the nieces and nephews Birthday/Christmas presents even if we’re not there.  Ed and I had an idea that maybe a college fund for each of them would be a good idea.  Even if it’s only 20$ a time, that’s still better than nothing.

I also want to go visit them more often rather than making one big trip a year.  I was kind of thinking maybe I can pick two kids birthdays a year and alternate each year.  That way I can see them at least twice a year.

-       We’re also trying to start saving money in general, for a house, for moving, for travel, for adopting ALL THE PUPPIES IN THE WORLD.  This includes cooking at home more, which means meal planning and more grocery shopping, and doing dishes more.  All in the name of health and savings!

-       Last but not least and I’m sure I can find more, but I want to start complaining so much about stupid stuff.  Like at yoga, I joke a lot and yak through the hard poses.  It’s gotten annoying, even to me, so I can’t imagine how the instructor feels (I’m not the only one, we’re all misfits in that place and can barely do anything).

So yeah.  I didn’t want to make some lofty goals that I couldn’t complete and then feel even worse about those things.  I want to try to do these things.  I want to make slow adjustments to my life so that these things can fit in and eventually become routine for every day.  

One thing from 2013 that I would like to continue to do is making better decisions.

I feel positive this year will be better, different, and I really hope I can get more accomplished.  We’ll see how it goes.