berfday

yep, it's mine....

blerrrrrggg

Now I have 8 job applications out, all for things I would love to do.  I have yet to hear back from any of them. wahhhhhhhhhhh..... crossing my fingers for this last application!

Update: make that 6 application out....pot is narrowing...

Checking in: Remember those 2012 words?

Well I forgot about them..

So here is the original list and an update on what we've covered so far and what we're sucking at.


Flourish - errr we got a new dog?  No, we're sucking at this.  I need a job.

Sparkle - WTF? Why did I put this on here.  Oh I know, a student of mine gave me some sparkly eye shadow.  Annnnd I might decorate some pine cones with glitter for Christmas...more on that if it happens

Joy - It's hit and miss.  Yay, Colorado.  Boo, no job. Yay, puppy.  Boo, puppy pees everywhere. Yay, nope...nope, no yay. Boooooo, still no job.

Hope - I still hope I get a job.
(more on Hope, Believe, Persevere, Inspire, Growth, Joy, Cherish, and Positive here)

Believe - I believe that we're going to be fucked, if I don't get a job,

Positive - I am positive we're going to be fucked if I don't get a job. :D

Adventure - already covered.  Find it here.

Nurture - Err...I'm nurturing the new puppy?

Courage - Ok, well this might be half way real.  I need to find the courage to keep going on this job hunt.  It's sad.  It's really sad not to have a job, to be highly educated, and to not even get interviews.  So I'm trying to find the courage to keep up the job hunt.

New- We moved to Colorado and got a new puppy.  Lots of new going on. Check our more details on the new stuff going on here.

Commitment - you can read about that back at that link with Adventure.

Change, Learn, and Prepare - you can find here.

So I think that brings us to the last one: Listen - I really think we need to start listening more to our hearts and what we believe will be best for us.  Maybe this is more for me.  I seem to just go with the flow to try to make the process easier without causing ripples.  Maybe I need to jump in make a big splash.  Maybe I need to blaze the tail for once.  Do what I feel is right for us.  I think listening to my heart would be a good start.

So I think that covers all the words for 2012.  And hey! It's only October!

Not sure if I'll do words for 2013 or not.  Maybe I'll set 12 goals to accomplish, one for each month in 2013.  Maybe from my 101 Things List (that I'm still working on).  That might help me to stay on track and actually make changes.

heh

Woohoo!  I have 1005 views on my blog. haha...

The Shiba Shit List

So Atticus and Ebba have been getting along pretty well.  We still keep them separated for the most part, but they get to play just about every day for about 20 minutes.

Since they've gotten easier to walk together, I've been taking both Ebba and Atticus out at the same time.  They do pretty well.  Usually Atticus is pretty quick with taking care of his business.  Ebba on the other hand is very particular.  She has to find the perfect spot, one for peeing and another perfect spot for pooing.

And anyone who knows Ebba, knows she's not a morning dog.  She's totally happen not rolling out of bed until 11 a.m. or even later.  She then goes and finds a spot to curl up in before every thinking about having to go outside.  Maybe around noon, she'll decide to prance around and want to go out.  So this whole getting up with the new kid on the block isn't much fun for her.  She gets pissy when I drag her from her box to go out at 7:30 a.m.  Needless to say, she's not a happy camper that early in the morning.

So this morning I bundle up, head outside with both dogs and begin the routine.  Atticus immediately pees in his pee spot.  We turn the corner and head down to the park.  Before we cross the street to the park, Atticus tries to et the wood chips around the trees.  We cross the street and Atticus decides to "eliminate" immediately.  So we stop, I get my bag ready, and make sure Ebba is close enough that I can stop of the sidewalk and pick up Atticus' deposit.

Ebba was being pretty good this morning.  I bent over to pick up what Atticus had left, and I notice this Shiba Inu, running down the sidewalk.  In the process, I stuck my thumb in Atticus' shit.  I turn around and look where her harness lay on the ground and find no Ebba.  I look back up.  She looks back at me and picks up speed.

So there I am, standing with Atticus and a shit bag with shit on my thumb and Ebba hightailing it down the sidewalk.  And Shibas are known for running and never coming back.  So I started to panic.  I tried to get the shit of my thumb but noticed that by then, I had it on the handle of Ebba's leash.  So I rubbed my thumb in the grass and that got enough off that I wouldn't spread it anymore.  Ebba has really only made it half way down the sidewalk, but I'm not a fast person.

But I took off anyway.  I noticed that every time Ebba looked back and saw me and Atticus running at her, she picked up her pace.  A few steps ahead, the lawn guys had planted a new tree and it had those strong stakes in the ground to hold it.  Thinking that if I didn't have Atticus, maybe she would slow down?  Or even come to me? HA! Lies! But i looped Atticus' leash over the tall stake and ran towards Ebba, dropping Atticus' poop in the poop receptacle as I went.

I was half way to her when I looked back and saw Atticus flailing on the stake.  I panicked again.  What if he gets loose too!!  But he was still on the stake, and had his harness and leash on, unlike Ebba who had sneakily, without me noticing wriggled out of hers.  So I kept going.  Ebba rounded the corner at the park and went a little further before her fluffy ass squatted to pee.  She was just finished peeing as I reached her, and she stood up to run away again.  I yelled at her, which I think scared her and she looked at me, which gave me time to grab her.  She was non too happy, but neither was I, so I didn't care.

I managed to ger her harness back on her and started turning back.  Then I was like, OH SHIT, Atticus!  So I put some pep in my step and rounded the corner to find him calmly waiting by the stake.  He just sat there and looked at me like, "Yeah, you thought I was going to run away too.  Ha, fooled you! I'm the good one!"  As I approached him, he sat up with a look of pure satisfaction on his little puppy face.

So I gathered him up, and we continued on our poop walk. Little Bitch still needed to poop and we usually walk around the little park.  So even though I was shaking and my heart was pounding, we continued around the park.  Although I really just wanted to turn around and stick Little Bitch in the bathroom the rest of the day.  But we walked the park.  Ebba pooped.  Atticus pooped again. And all was right in the Whittington-Burton Doggens Household.

Of course, once we make it back inside, Ebba has no clue that she has done wrong and lies down with her little dainty paws sticking out in front of her.  It's like she's mocking me, "No, mom.  I AM an angel.  That must have all been your imagination."

             

I'm a perfect angel, mom.  I couldn't have done that.  I mean, look at the white light behind me...angel.  That's me!

She is officially on my shit list today.

Alexis vs. failing at the job market

So currently I have  seven job applications out.  Some part time, some full time, all at colleges or universities, all in the fields of study abroad, international student services, or German, all of which I am highly interested in.  now, if I could just get one of said jobs.  Preferably one that is full time.  Or two part time jobs.I just need a job that doesn't make me feel like my life is worthless.  I reuse to work at McDonalds, but If i don't get a real job soon, I'm going to have to start applying to similar places.

I just really need a job...so I can stop hating myself, so I can stop feeling worthless, so we can pay our bills, and most importantly so I can stop going through these phases of being mad at Ed for taking me away from my first real job.  Even though working in Vicksburg was not ideal, it still made me feel like I was making a difference.  Like I had a purpose in life.

I always feel like we could have made Vicksburg work.  We had planned at one point to possibly live there.  I mean, I even did a little house hunting.  Ed was going to move there and get certified to teach history and business.  We would have been two working teachers (probably by now) and maybe on the serious house hunt.  We could have been more serious about house hunting...houses there, really cute ones in decent neighborhoods, were cheap.  We could seriously be trying to have babies.

Sometimes I feel like Ed took this little life plan/dream away from me.  It's days like today that I feel this way.  When job applications are awful and I get pissed that I'm having to fill so many out without any hope of actually getting the job.

At the time, and sometimes we regret moving here, but he thought it was the best option.  I mean, I was going through a lot and told him anything that got me out of Vicksburg would be great.  But those were things I said because I thought that's what he wanted to hear.  I'll never know if I would have truly felt that way because I had so many extenuating circumstances that were affecting how I felt about the whole experience.  For example: 1) I was living away form my husband. 2) Living conditions were never ideal, I was living with a family, that although very accepting, just didn't feel right.  Then I moved in with a fellow teacher and that didn't quite work out as expected, although better because I was no longer commuting. 3) For the first half of the year I was commuting 45 min one way. 4) I didn't have any of MY things with me.  No books, half my clothes, no ironing board, no dishes, nothing that was really my own.  And you don't want to buy things because you actually do have them, just not in the state with you.  Extra frustrating.  5) It was my first real job, and teaching at a Title I school, so having all of the other circumstances in addition just made it super stressful.

So it's hard to say if I would have really hated it at much as I felt like I did at the time.  I'm trying to decide what I hate more, that experience or the experience of not knowing if your bills will get back in a few months and you can't make any progress towards you life goals because you don't have a job even though you have a shit ton of education that at this point in your life is more of a burden than actually doing any good.  I've got the education to do these jobs, the burden of student loans, the pressure of failing my family, and failing life goals.

Please excuse me if you offend easily...

if you do, you might just want to stop reading now.  This is my blog, I have like three readers, and I can say whatever the hell I want.



I wanted the original title of this to be "Go FUCK yourselves!" but thought that a bit harsh.

This is probably not the best time to be writing this, we don't know all the facts, but...

for all of you who can just "whoops I'm pregnant!" or " try and conceive and then complain every day on Facebook and what not about how little Johnny did this or that....go fuck yourselves.  I'm about to start going through my Facebook posts and ever time I see someone who complains about their kid, I'm going to unfriend them.

Not everyone is as lucky as you are and are able to just pop out kids.  Some of us have a monthly reminder that it might be impossible and seeing all the posts about how ungrateful you are because your kid did ____ is just kind of selfish.  So you know what, go fuck yourself.

Then, there are the people who post shit like this:

to you people, I say go fuck yourselves.  Basically you're saying that I may never know love, and that's total bullshit.

And to the others of you who post and say shit like this:

Guess what, you can go fuck yourselves too.

We don't know all the details.  We're still trying to work stuff out.  But just because you have been fortunate, don't be so selfish to believe that others have as well.  Try to be a little more sensitive...or...GO FUCK YOURSELF!